Marriage can be demanding. Couples have heard this a thousand times and can’t help asking, “Is marriage even worth it?”
Human brains tend to focus on the negatives, and this definitely distracts us from the wonderful things that come from marriage. If someone tells us that marriage is the most amazing relationship on earth, but in order to obtain this relationship, partners must have to waft through many negatives, disagreements, and self-doubts. Would marriage still seem amazing? It’s okay to acknowledge the negatives, not to dwell on them. Negative moments that occur in marriage are opportunities to connect and see another’s perspective. Efforts and gains towards growing closer to a spouse rather than wasted energy proving a point can lead to heightened experiences of love and happiness that cannot be duplicated anywhere else.
Dr. Sarah Allen of Southern Utah University said,
“Marriage is worth it! I have been married for 25 years and not all of those years were ‘fun’. My husband and I went through some rough patches, but with the help of therapists and a lot of compassion, patience, hard work, and persistence we have truly grown closer and created a relationship that is deeply rewarding. Marriage created the safe space or ‘container’ for us to work out important issues together and invited us to rise to the challenge of being better human beings in partnership with each other. As a consequence, over the years we truly have become better listeners, communicators, and companions. Our marital commitments to each other invited us to engage in that process and to see things through when it might have been easier to just quit. I am thankful I am where I am today and could not be here without a partner who was willing to go through difficult things by my side and learn and share in that process.”
Marriage is not a process anyone should go through alone. As Dr. Allen explained, marriage counseling is a great resource to help further growth and connection to create a healthy relationship--one that takes work but is ‘deeply rewarding’. The marriage relationship helps couples improve as one and individually in character, communication, and commitments.
Marriage really is more than having a loving companion who supports and cares for you. A satisfying relationship can actually help to be physically and mentally healthier.
Dr. John Gottman and his researchers have found many benefits of marriage:
- Better physical health
- Live longer
- Fewer injuries due to accidents
- Less depression
- Less anxiety disorders
- Less psychosis
- Less posttraumatic stress disorders
- Fewer phobias
Not only does marriage give a safe space to grow, it also enhances individual well-being. Marriage can facilitate personal development and cause you and your partner to flourish.
Is marriage worth it? Yes, yes it is.
